Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
