so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize