I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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