I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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