u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's just like the Real World with babies
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
