Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
