Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
