Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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