everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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