I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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