i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Randomize
