just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
