I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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