Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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