I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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