I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
