So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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