i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
