I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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