Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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