Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
