i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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