I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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