dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You smell like stripper and shame
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
