And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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