Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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