I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
