I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
