It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
