the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
