when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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