i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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