If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
