Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
