but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
