Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
