She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
