so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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