I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
