Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
