Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
