dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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