she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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