1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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