I'm lost and stupid without you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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