Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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