The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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