Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
false alarm. still invincible.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
