he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like iHOP with fire
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
