9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
