I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
