I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
