I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
