i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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