I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
