plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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