I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just want to make out with him forever
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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