I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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