he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
