she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
