I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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