Whod you bang
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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