are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
