I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
