the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
