so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
