the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
