for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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