His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
