I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
