he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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