I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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