You made me cry and you don't even care
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
