If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
