i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
