that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
