uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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