I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it hurts more in the daytime
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
