Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
