wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
