"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
