how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
